One-Page Learn · The Halachos at a glance
אִישׁוּת
Marriage 10
Sefer Nashim · What actually completes a marriage when the blessings and the contract do not, why a document about divorce is required before a man may stay with his wife for an hour, and how much time a beginning is owed
6
Marriage blessings, seven where there is a cup of wine to begin with
10
Free adult men required for the blessings, the groom counted among them
25
Zuz of pure silver, which is what two hundred dinarim actually came to
7
Days of rejoicing owed to a virgin bride, three to a bride who is not
Part 1What makes the marriage, and what only accompanies it
- An arusah is forbidden in her father's house. By Rabbinic law she is forbidden to her husband while she lives in her father's home, a man who comes to her there receives stripes for rebelliousness, and even where the kiddushin was effected by cohabitation he may not return to her until he brings her into his own house. (10:1)
- Privacy is what chuppah means. He brings her home, enters into privacy with her and singles her out as his, and that privacy is what is called entering the chuppah and what is universally called nisu'in, after which she is his wife in every respect. (10:1, 10:2)
- Blessings without privacy, and privacy without blessings. A man who consecrated her and recited the marriage blessings but did not enter into privacy with her at home still has an arusah, since the blessings do not effect nisu'in, while a couple who entered the chuppah without any blessings are fully married and the blessings may be recited even days later. (10:6)
- The six blessings, and who must be present. The blessings praise the One who created all for His glory and formed the human being in His image, ask that the barren one rejoice as her children are gathered in, and ask that the voice of a groom and a bride be heard in the cities of Judah; they require ten free adult men, the groom counted among them, and a cup of wine makes seven. (10:3, 10:4, 10:5)
- A niddah bride does not complete the marriage. Where she is a niddah the bond is not completed and she remains an arusah even though she entered the chuppah and remained there in privacy, and a woman in that state should not marry, nor are the blessings recited for her, until she is purified. (10:2, 10:6)
RememberThe public act creates the standing. The private act, which nobody witnesses and nothing records, creates the marriage.
Part 2The ketubah, deflated and then made compulsory
- Written before the chuppah, and the groom pays the scribe. Two hundred dinarim for a virgin and one hundred for a woman who is not, called the fundamental requirement, to which he may add whatever he wishes even a talent of gold, the addition and the fundamental sum being governed alike for most purposes. (10:7)
- The arithmetic behind the number. Those dinarim were the coin of the period, seven parts copper to one of silver, so that two hundred come to twenty five zuz of pure silver and one hundred to twelve and a half, each zuz weighing ninety six barley corns. (10:8)
- Why the document exists at all. Our Sages instituted the ketubah so that it should not be a light matter in her husband's eyes to send her away, and anything written below the minimum makes the relations promiscuous, while possessions given as security permit them until a document can be drawn up. (10:7, 10:9)
- Not one hour without it. A man who married without writing one, or whose document was lost, or whose wife waived it or sold it back to him, must write another if he wishes to remain with her, since it is forbidden to stay with a wife for even a single moment without a ketubah; a woman who sold hers to others for the benefit needs no replacement, because the purchaser would still be paid on a divorce. (10:10)
- The contract does not marry anybody either. A woman consecrated and given a ketubah who never entered the chuppah remains an arusah, and if he dies or divorces her she collects the fundamental sum from unencumbered property and none of the addition at all, while a woman consecrated with no document written has no claim whatsoever. (10:11)
RememberThe ketubah is not a price on a woman. It is friction installed at the exit, so that a bad evening cannot become a divorce by morning.
Part 3Time, and the joy that may not be shared
- Seven days, and no work. Whoever marries a virgin rejoices with her seven days without pursuing his occupation or trading, eating, drinking and rejoicing, and three days for a bride who is not a virgin, in both cases whether he was married before or not. (10:12)
- One set of blessings, but joy is never pooled. A man may marry several women on a single day and recite the blessings for all of them together, yet must rejoice with each for the period that belongs to her, seven or three, because one celebration is not mixed into another. (10:13)
- The calendar of weddings. Betrothal is permitted on any weekday, even on the ninth of Av, by day or night, while weddings are not held on Friday or Sunday lest preparing the feast lead to desecrating the Sabbath, nor on the Sabbath, nor on the intermediate days of a festival, and three days are spent preparing the feast. (10:14)
- Wednesday for a virgin. Where the court sits only on Monday and Thursday a virgin is married on Wednesday, so that a husband with a claim regarding her virginity can come before the court early the next morning, while the custom of the Sages was to marry a woman who is not a virgin on Thursday. (10:15)
- Twelve months each, and then maintenance. A woman is given twelve months from the day she is asked to prepare herself, or thirty days in the narrower cases, and a man is given exactly the same period when it is she who asks; once his time has passed and he has still not married her he owes her maintenance, except on a day when the wedding could not have been held or where illness or the niddah state prevents it. (10:17, 10:18, 10:19)
RememberA beginning is owed undivided attention. A joy diluted by another joy has not been given its week, and on this chapter's reckoning it has not been fully had.