One-Page Learn · The Halachos at a glance
אִישׁוּת
Marriage 21
Sefer Nashim · The work a wife performs and the five gestures no maid may take over, the enactments made for peace and for a nursing mother's pain, and the child who is not separated from a mother he recognizes, even if he is blind
5
Tasks every wife performs herself, however many maids she has, from spinning to pouring his drink
6
Tasks that some women perform and some do not, depending on the maids and the means of the household
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Months a mother who vowed not to nurse, or a divorcee whose child recognizes her, may still be compelled to nurse
6
Years a son may stay with his divorced mother at his father's expense, while a daughter stays with her forever
Part 1The work of the house, and the danger of an empty hand
- The custom of the country decides. A wife weaves, embroiders or spins as local women do, and where there is no custom he may require only spinning wool and not flax, because flax damages the mouth and lips. (21:1)
- Never idle, never the whole day. Her surplus belongs to her husband, and even a very wealthy woman with several maids may not sit idle, since idleness leads to lewdness, yet he may not compel her to work all day and her obligation shrinks as his wealth grows. (21:2)
- A vow against all work ends the marriage. A husband who vows that his wife may do no work at all must divorce her and pay her ketubah, for the same concern about idleness. (21:3)
- Bread for the poor at first light. A poor couple's wife bakes, following Ezra's ordinance that women rise early so bread is ready for the poor, and also cooks, launders, nurses, grinds by tending the mill, and puts straw before his riding animal but not his cattle. (21:5)
- One maid, then two. A maid brought in, or the means to buy one on either side, frees her from grinding, baking, laundry and the straw, and two maids free her from cooking and from nursing. (21:6)
RememberThe law worries less about the husband's income than about a wife left with nothing to do.
Part 2What cannot be handed to another
- Only by his wife. Washing his face, hands and feet, pouring his drink, making his bed and attending to his requests are performed for a man only by his wife, even if she has several maids, and not for his father or son. (21:4)
- Half a step away. While she is a niddah she performs every task except pouring his drink, making his bed and washing him, so she makes the bed when he is absent and sets his cup down rather than placing it in his hand. (21:8)
- A broken dish for a peaceful home. A wife who breaks utensils while doing household tasks is not liable, an enactment of the Sages and not the strict law, since otherwise she would hold back from her work and there would never be peace in the house. (21:9)
- Compulsion, and a dissent. A wife who refuses her tasks may be compelled, which the Raavad disputes in his gloss, and where the couple disagree whether she performs them, a neutral woman lives with them or the neighbors are asked. (21:10)
- Her pain comes first. A nursing mother's tasks are reduced and her food enriched, and she may eat whatever she craves at her own expense, since her husband may not stop her by claiming the child could be harmed. (21:11)
RememberThe easiest tasks are the ones no servant may do, because they are not labor but closeness.
Part 3The child who knows his mother
- Twins, and a stranger's baby. A mother of twins nurses one while her husband hires a nurse for the other, and he may stop her from nursing another woman's child alongside her own. (21:12)
- A vow does not release her, a wish does bind him. A woman who vowed not to nurse is compelled until twenty four months, and if she wants to nurse over his objection that it will mar her beauty, her wish prevails because parting from her child is painful. (21:13)
- Standing rises and does not descend. A poor woman married to a rich man who does not wish to nurse is not required to, and he must hire a nurse or buy a maid even if he owned none, while a dispute about his standing puts the burden of proof on her with no oath for him. (21:14)
- Even if he is blind. A divorcee cannot be compelled to nurse and may give the child to his father, unless the child already recognizes her, even if he is blind, in which case he is not separated and she nurses for a wage until twenty four months. (21:16)
- Custody after weaning. A son stays with his mother until he completes his sixth year at his father's expense, a daughter stays with her mother forever and is supported as charity and later from the estate, and a mother who does not want custody may give the children to their father or the community. (21:17)
RememberRecognition, not sight, is what the law protects between a mother and her child.